The Pander Journal: Biden Takes the Gloves Off; What Does it Mean For Us?
This “article” is part of a “series” we’re calling The Pander Journal, which will be “following” the presidential election of November 2012.
President Obama’s debate performance, widely characterized by pundits of all stripes as a flop, has many predicting that tonight’s vice presidential debate will feature Joe Biden like we’ve always seen him before: aggressive, rough-around-the-edges, and ready to vehemently defend the administration’s record against his Republican challenger, Congressman Paul Ryan. Obama campaign high command has changed the rules of engagement, say the experts, and Biden, charged with reclaiming the momentum from a suddenly surging Romney/Ryan ticket, appears ready to do what Obama couldn’t or wouldn’t: go for the jugular. And yet, vice presidential debates historically have very little impact on the race. What then could be the real consequences of letting Biden off the leash? What impact might tonight’s contest have for the nation? What follows are three things that are sure to come to pass if Biden comes out swinging.
1. Democrats will all become racist again. Though now commonly thought of as the party of affirmative action, civil rights, and Jay-Z concerts, it wasn’t too long ago that Democrats were known for a more sinister triad of policy prescriptions: segregation, Jim Crow, and Massive Resistance. A resurgent Joe Biden, flush with newfound political capital, can only lead his party back towards its pre-Civil Rights Act roots, if his interactions with Indian-Americans and his “praise” of Barack Obama are any indication.
2. America’s moral fabric will decisively tear. An emboldened Biden may feel all too comfortable venturing into what’s traditionally been Republican territory over the last few decades—speaking assertively about his faith. This will continue to underscore the crumbling of the nation’s Judeo-Christian foundation, highlighting how, for the first time in our history, both party’s tickets exclusively feature non-Christians—three cultists and a man who grew up going to a madrasa: Romney (Mormon), Ryan (Catholic), Biden (Catholic), and Obama (Muslim).
3. The shadowy and powerful “daytime TV-sporting event telecast” axis, already overwhelming in its influence, will finally achieve complete hegemony in the media. A swing-for-the-fences performance out of Biden is sure to bring more attention to the relatively unknown Paul Ryan, fueling speculation that he is, indeed, the love child of a torrid time-bending love affair between Aaron Rodgers and Ellen DeGeneres. This type of scrutiny is sure to serve the corporate interests of the aforementioned axis, but the cost may prove too high for average viewers like you and me who may want to watch something other than a talk show or a football game from time to time.